Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
