So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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