If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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