and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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