If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
