well I can't set my house on fire every night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
