im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
