it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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