Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
