I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
