hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
