i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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