I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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