He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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