Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
