I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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