y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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