I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
