My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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