Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
