in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
