i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
