Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
