Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
