Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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