I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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