i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
