I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
