This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
