I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
