Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
