what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
