You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
