Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
