Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
