making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
