i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
