your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
