I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
