Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
