I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
