My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
