All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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