just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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