i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So vagazzling was a success
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh god it's open bar.
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