Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
