He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your cock deserves a montage
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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