wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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