I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
