Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
