I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
