North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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