I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
