I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
